[ hello, nie huasiang!! you've probably seen yin yu around for the past couple of days. mask back on his face, he finally comes to seek out sect leader nie later on tuesday evening, greeting him wherever he's holed up with his usual, respectful bow. ]
[ maybe it's a bit surprising, but: yin yu holds that bowed position for longer than usual. ]
...I would like to apologize. [ as he finally straightens, he keeps his hands together. ] I did my best to look after Lady Beau, but I failed, in the end. [ by dying, anyway. ]
... you did what you could, from what I saw. She still has others.
[of course he was watching-- he's not done being mad at chuuya over what happened either, honestly. but he relaxes slightly; yin yu, at least, is someone he doesn't believe would offer empty words about looking after her.]
I don't doubt that it was appreciated by her, as it is by me.
I saw the argument, yes. People here are all too quick to condemn, but then it was the same way at the house. I'm not surprised that boy would receive more leniency than I did, and then turn around to say such things here.
[HE'S STILL SALTY ABOUT CHUUYA SPECIFICALLY. god.]
...there was more than that. I'm glad I was able to give her something to help her stay calm, and I hope she will utilize it as she needs, but... [ mmn. he doesn't want to worry huaisang too much, but. it's been sticking in the back of yin yu's mind since monday.
he reaches up, finding the edge of his scarf, and winds it through his fingers, worrying over the embroidery near the end of it as he talks. ] On Monday evening, Lady Beau and I talked quite a bit. I was worried that her desire to return to you could have caused her to act recklessly... endangering others, or endangering herself.
She said, "when she saw you again", Sect Leader. I'm not sure if anyone else caught onto it, besides me, but I don't think she meant "when we solve this place as a whole." I'm just - I'm still quite worried, for her safety.
[ over the weeks, he'd become quite fond of beau. her brash nature and her big heart remind him enough of someone he knows, and the way she reached out to him when he needed it was not something yin yu would easily forget. he's been worried since that night, and even wrote huaisang, though it ultimately didn't matter. ]
...she's more resilient than that, I think. I wasn't the only one she was holding on to, after all-- nor were you the only one, after my death.
[he knows her very well, at this point. knows what they both said that night, after he was voted for. he's concerned for her, always--
but he's never thought she would join him of her own volition.]
I have more concerns about her joining us because of others' actions than I do about her joining us through her own, honestly. It's all been difficult for her, but I don't believe that's something we have to worry about.
She seemed to be doing much better, at least, when I saw her today.
[ yin yu taps his fingers against the embroidery, considering. ]
...I'm glad to hear that. [ certainly. he's been turning beau's talk with him this week over and over in his head, and now that he's. well, now that he's dead, he's had a lot of time to think. ]
What do you mean by through the actions of others? As in someone might attack her?
She'd handle them if they did. I invited her to help oversee my Sect for good reason, after all.
[that's the level of faith he has in her to persist-- but his expression sours a bit before he continues.]
I mean more that someone may get the wrong idea over the weekend. I really do wish she wouldn't give so much of her time to people who would turn on her all too easily, given half a reason.
Anyone could've said that about me as well, Sect Leader. [ he's not trying to argue, voice neutral, but the point is made anyway. arguably, if anyone besides yasusada had attempted to kill him, they would've had a much harder time, and it wasn't easy for yasusada, either.
yin yu is quiet for a moment longer, looking at the wall across from them, away from huaisang. ] ...I spent quite a bit of time with Lady Beau in the last week. She was kind to me when I needed it, and I've done my best to return the favor.
Last week, I didn't have the chance to talk to you before the execution - I didn't want to inundate you, as I'm sure you had been bothered enough on the day of. When I came to visit Lady Beau on Sunday, I spent some time trying to help her cope after the execution. We talked for some time, and she mentioned... that you participated in the killings as something of 'sacrificing' - in that we have to have a kill each week. Not because you wanted to do so, but rather, in necessity.
...in a sense, I suppose. What purpose is there to a game that no one will play?
[he shrugs a shoulder, fanning himself idly.]
Near everyone here was so desperate to keep their hands clean that they wanted to believe there was some secret higher purpose to it. That I had answers they were seeking. Akira told me they needed to know what made people here kill, as if there isn't plenty of reason in knowing we all die if none will participate-- not to mention the stakes. I put quite a bit of work into escaping that damned house, you know, I'm not going to have it taken away so easily.
Dick moralized at me about it all, when I told him so. I think he refused to believe me on purpose. Didn't like hearing that the friends he was certain would just never hurt anyone may well end up having to act eventually, or crack under the pressure of this all-- how long, Yin Yu, do we think we would have gone at this only losing two per week? Do you think it may have been too late by the time we realized more had needed to die?
In that sense, it was a bit of a sacrifice. But I won't pretend myself a martyr-- I did it because I chose to play by the rules we had, and I knew I wouldn't lose in the end. It didn't matter what team won. I'd be fine.
You're quite clever, Sect Leader. I don't begrudge your practicality. [ that's about the answer that he was expecting. yin yu lets nie huaisang say what he wants to say, quiet and thoughtful as ever.
he's seen the person that nie huaisang is--in that same aspect, nie huaisang has seen who he is, too. this is the logic that he somewhat expected. having it confirmed just furthers his thought process, and it does little to undo his original concern. ]
You knew you wouldn't lose because Lady Beau, would she survive--and she is quite hardy-- would have picked you, no contest, if a rule that only three from each winning group could return. If we are successful and revive everyone, then of course, that is a win, too.
...So, in essence, it was a game with no loss for you, short of having to participate in that gruesome execution, and hurting Lady Beau in the process.
[ there's a pause. and then, a little more carefully, his tone still neutral. ] ...Does Lady Beau feel the same way?
Oh, I wouldn't hinge it on just us. I have agreements across all three teams-- it really didn't matter to me who won, and if someone needed to kill... well. I had no way to lose, save for having to experience it.
[of course. because that's just who he is-- he took the risk because it really wasn't a risk at all, for his ending.]
I can't really be too angry at how it turned out, considering I had the same plan in place that young master Todd did. Frustrating, but I don't fault it.
...as for Beau, if you truly do know anything about her, do you need to ask me such a thing?
[he's the calculating one, he's the one who acted.
nie huaisang thinks the fact that it was him, of the two of them, who killed-- that should speak for beau.]
...It is that fact that concerns me. I've come to know Lady Beau to have quite a large heart - she is a compassionate person, and cares very much for those close to her. And seeing the way that your death rocked her, I...
[ the feeling of beau's guilt, still so heavy, days later.
he's quiet again, thoughtful, and speaks up again after a pause. ] ...I don't worry that Lady Beau will hurt herself. I don't disagree that people could target her because of the way she defended you, which I also think is rather absurd - anyone is entitled to their grief, no matter how it manifests.
[ he brushes his fingertips over that embroidery on his scarf again, thoughtful. ] Rather, I worry that she might pick up the mantle of achieving that ending, and do so recklessly. It's...
...from the view of this servant, there's not much loss for her in participating, either.
[a shake of his head, there. beau still would have something to lose in acting at all, especially for such a reason.]
If you saw my trial at the theater, you saw how guilty she felt for trying to cover for me. She's not the sort of person who kills when it isn't necessary for her to-- she would want to try to fix all of this, much as I always thought there wasn't much chance of it.
This was always going to be harder on her, but I don't think she would choose such a thing.
I felt much of her guilt after she spoke with Lady Natalie.
[ so, yin yu knows. he's just... he's worried. he can't shake the feeling of it. so many people died the week that he did, and yin yu still knows so little.
and it's more of what huaisang says, who kills when it isn't necessary for her to that sticks, too. what if it felt necessary? what if it was? then, would she kill someone without the worry, knowing that she could be reunited with sect leader nie, even if she failed? can he even trust anything huaisang is really saying? maybe, because it's about beau. maybe. ]
I hope that you're right, Sect Leader. [ with a small, respectful bow of his head. ] ...I want her to be well, too.
[ as someone who has not made many personal relationships in the long, long span of his miserable banishment, the ones he has are dear to him. beau is no exception; he's far more of a worrywart than his stoic masked face would ever let on. ]
...she would know if it were truly necessary, you know. She's not so easily swayed.
[because he can guess, with his wording, what someone naturally might think.]
The two of us know each other better than anyone else here knows either of us, Yin Yu. I just saw her a little while ago-- do you not think I would be more concerned right now, if there were reason to worry?
[yes, there's the fact that he's a skilled actor and could be covering it up, but yin yu is old. he's a former god, of all things. huaisang isn't conceited enough to assume he would have this man fooled under all circumstances.]
If you were, would you show this humble servant such concern?
[ yin yu is observant. he always has been - its part of what makes him so effective at his job. he only returns the point, to point out the holes in that logic, that asking yin yu to trust him is a very high bar to cross. again, he's not offended or angry. it's just a point to be made. ]
...I do want to believe you. [ yin yu says, after a moment, shifting, his tone still thoughtful, sincere. there's something unsaid there, though: but can you blame me, if i don't? ]
Edited (dw dont eat half my tag what the hell ) 2020-07-18 13:57 (UTC)
[he watches yin yu over the edge of his fan, listening-- and it isn't untrue, really. he's very good at making sure no one knows how he truly feels; if he weren't, he'd probably have died before ever coming here. playing a part is second nature, at this point.]
You can watch her for yourself, then, and see if you believe I've lied. She did say she'd see me soon, but she believes they've gotten close to fixing things-- she isn't foolish enough to throw away a goal of hers like that to join me here.
[reading into what people don't say is part of what he does. he can guess at it, and he doesn't suppose believing him is something he really expects anyone to do, at this point.]
She'll see this all through. I wouldn't be marrying her if that weren't the kind of person she is.
[ he gives a small nod, fist to hand again. yin yu intends to do so, and... he meant what he said. he does want to believe that. whatever hunch he may or may not have can only be proven or otherwise, in the coming weeks. if nothing, he would do his best to observe the lady beau, and hope that nie huaisang was telling him the truth, after all.
as for the last part... beau had told him much of the same, many weeks back. it was a secret he promised to hold onto for her, some knowledge to protect. yin yu had not forgotten about beau's dream; to hear it from both sides is in some ways, heartening. his expression softens just a little, and he responds, quietly. ] ...In a world such as our own, it is a blessing to have a marriage that is based on such foundations of trust and love.
[ yin yu is from a noble family, after all, even if it's hundreds of years behind him. he knows what marriage can mean- and what it can't. love is a privilege to those with no standing. ]
If the cultivation world has had space for a know-nothing Sect Leader in it, then I've told her room can be made for someone like her as well. I believe the state of things will be shaken soon, anyway.
[is he going to take advantage of the Wangxian Real shock and political messes to slip in his own engagement? you bet your ass he is. at least he's not those two, you see?]
And I'm sure that a... suitable consort can be found, for her.
Perhaps it is only because I've come to know you here, and I hope you will forgive this servant's tongue, but you are not a 'know-nothing' Sect Leader. [ but he has a feeling that everyone else in his world thinks he is.
nie huaisang is truly clever. yin yu's assessment of him last week - that he would fit right in, in the heavens - is still not inaccurate. he doesn't know much about the world of cultivation in specific that huaisang is a member of, but the picture becomes clearer.
...but. the last comment does belay a little more of the situation, as to be expected. lady beau... of course. that would complicate things, huh. ] ...is it not better to spend the time with someone that you care for, over anything else?
[but it's amused, more than anything. he knows yin yu knows, after everything here; he's stopped acting as much in death, because he has no need for it.
and as for his question:]
I think it is. I don't believe I'll seek one myself.
...but neither would I deny her the opportunity to find a woman capable of suiting her tastes.
...I see. [ in the end, the physical is the physical. there are gods that can swap their genders and forms at their will. he somehow doubts that nie huaisang will ever cultivate or do anything especially impressive enough to ascend, though. the sheer amount of time i just spent trying to find the ancient chinese idiom equivalent of "don't go chasin waterfalls.mp3" before i picked this one
anyway. yin yu glances back at nie huaisang again, regarding him in a slightly different light. ] You...are truly locked in love's clutches, Sect Leader.
[ a pause. ] Even so, to cross worlds and time to spend time with another for the rest of their life is no small thing. I don't imagine that will be easily put aside, especially not by someone like Lady Beau.
[ he's not entirely sure how this conversation got here?? but here it is. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w5... probably tuesday evening.
...Sect Leader Nie. Do you have a moment?
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[he's dead, what else is he going to do... but he nods. yin yu is on a short list of people he'll speak with, right now.]
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...I would like to apologize. [ as he finally straightens, he keeps his hands together. ] I did my best to look after Lady Beau, but I failed, in the end. [ by dying, anyway. ]
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[of course he was watching-- he's not done being mad at chuuya over what happened either, honestly. but he relaxes slightly; yin yu, at least, is someone he doesn't believe would offer empty words about looking after her.]
I don't doubt that it was appreciated by her, as it is by me.
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[ mmn. well. he ducks his head. ] ...at any rate, I'm glad that I was able to help even a little. I hope she was able to find some peace.
I'd like to talk with you about what happened, if you are willing to talk about it.
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[HE'S STILL SALTY ABOUT CHUUYA SPECIFICALLY. god.]
It depends on what you'd like to know, I think.
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he reaches up, finding the edge of his scarf, and winds it through his fingers, worrying over the embroidery near the end of it as he talks. ] On Monday evening, Lady Beau and I talked quite a bit. I was worried that her desire to return to you could have caused her to act recklessly... endangering others, or endangering herself.
She said, "when she saw you again", Sect Leader. I'm not sure if anyone else caught onto it, besides me, but I don't think she meant "when we solve this place as a whole." I'm just - I'm still quite worried, for her safety.
[ over the weeks, he'd become quite fond of beau. her brash nature and her big heart remind him enough of someone he knows, and the way she reached out to him when he needed it was not something yin yu would easily forget. he's been worried since that night, and even wrote huaisang, though it ultimately didn't matter. ]
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[he knows her very well, at this point. knows what they both said that night, after he was voted for. he's concerned for her, always--
but he's never thought she would join him of her own volition.]
I have more concerns about her joining us because of others' actions than I do about her joining us through her own, honestly. It's all been difficult for her, but I don't believe that's something we have to worry about.
She seemed to be doing much better, at least, when I saw her today.
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...I'm glad to hear that. [ certainly. he's been turning beau's talk with him this week over and over in his head, and now that he's. well, now that he's dead, he's had a lot of time to think. ]
What do you mean by through the actions of others? As in someone might attack her?
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[that's the level of faith he has in her to persist-- but his expression sours a bit before he continues.]
I mean more that someone may get the wrong idea over the weekend. I really do wish she wouldn't give so much of her time to people who would turn on her all too easily, given half a reason.
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yin yu is quiet for a moment longer, looking at the wall across from them, away from huaisang. ] ...I spent quite a bit of time with Lady Beau in the last week. She was kind to me when I needed it, and I've done my best to return the favor.
Last week, I didn't have the chance to talk to you before the execution - I didn't want to inundate you, as I'm sure you had been bothered enough on the day of. When I came to visit Lady Beau on Sunday, I spent some time trying to help her cope after the execution. We talked for some time, and she mentioned... that you participated in the killings as something of 'sacrificing' - in that we have to have a kill each week. Not because you wanted to do so, but rather, in necessity.
Is that correct?
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[he shrugs a shoulder, fanning himself idly.]
Near everyone here was so desperate to keep their hands clean that they wanted to believe there was some secret higher purpose to it. That I had answers they were seeking. Akira told me they needed to know what made people here kill, as if there isn't plenty of reason in knowing we all die if none will participate-- not to mention the stakes. I put quite a bit of work into escaping that damned house, you know, I'm not going to have it taken away so easily.
Dick moralized at me about it all, when I told him so. I think he refused to believe me on purpose. Didn't like hearing that the friends he was certain would just never hurt anyone may well end up having to act eventually, or crack under the pressure of this all-- how long, Yin Yu, do we think we would have gone at this only losing two per week? Do you think it may have been too late by the time we realized more had needed to die?
In that sense, it was a bit of a sacrifice. But I won't pretend myself a martyr-- I did it because I chose to play by the rules we had, and I knew I wouldn't lose in the end. It didn't matter what team won. I'd be fine.
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he's seen the person that nie huaisang is--in that same aspect, nie huaisang has seen who he is, too. this is the logic that he somewhat expected. having it confirmed just furthers his thought process, and it does little to undo his original concern. ]
You knew you wouldn't lose because Lady Beau, would she survive--and she is quite hardy-- would have picked you, no contest, if a rule that only three from each winning group could return. If we are successful and revive everyone, then of course, that is a win, too.
...So, in essence, it was a game with no loss for you, short of having to participate in that gruesome execution, and hurting Lady Beau in the process.
[ there's a pause. and then, a little more carefully, his tone still neutral. ] ...Does Lady Beau feel the same way?
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[of course. because that's just who he is-- he took the risk because it really wasn't a risk at all, for his ending.]
I can't really be too angry at how it turned out, considering I had the same plan in place that young master Todd did. Frustrating, but I don't fault it.
...as for Beau, if you truly do know anything about her, do you need to ask me such a thing?
[he's the calculating one, he's the one who acted.
nie huaisang thinks the fact that it was him, of the two of them, who killed-- that should speak for beau.]
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[ the feeling of beau's guilt, still so heavy, days later.
he's quiet again, thoughtful, and speaks up again after a pause. ] ...I don't worry that Lady Beau will hurt herself. I don't disagree that people could target her because of the way she defended you, which I also think is rather absurd - anyone is entitled to their grief, no matter how it manifests.
[ he brushes his fingertips over that embroidery on his scarf again, thoughtful. ] Rather, I worry that she might pick up the mantle of achieving that ending, and do so recklessly. It's...
...from the view of this servant, there's not much loss for her in participating, either.
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[a shake of his head, there. beau still would have something to lose in acting at all, especially for such a reason.]
If you saw my trial at the theater, you saw how guilty she felt for trying to cover for me. She's not the sort of person who kills when it isn't necessary for her to-- she would want to try to fix all of this, much as I always thought there wasn't much chance of it.
This was always going to be harder on her, but I don't think she would choose such a thing.
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[ so, yin yu knows. he's just... he's worried. he can't shake the feeling of it. so many people died the week that he did, and yin yu still knows so little.
and it's more of what huaisang says, who kills when it isn't necessary for her to that sticks, too. what if it felt necessary? what if it was? then, would she kill someone without the worry, knowing that she could be reunited with sect leader nie, even if she failed? can he even trust anything huaisang is really saying? maybe, because it's about beau. maybe. ]
I hope that you're right, Sect Leader. [ with a small, respectful bow of his head. ] ...I want her to be well, too.
[ as someone who has not made many personal relationships in the long, long span of his miserable banishment, the ones he has are dear to him. beau is no exception; he's far more of a worrywart than his stoic masked face would ever let on. ]
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[because he can guess, with his wording, what someone naturally might think.]
The two of us know each other better than anyone else here knows either of us, Yin Yu. I just saw her a little while ago-- do you not think I would be more concerned right now, if there were reason to worry?
[yes, there's the fact that he's a skilled actor and could be covering it up, but yin yu is old. he's a former god, of all things. huaisang isn't conceited enough to assume he would have this man fooled under all circumstances.]
She's all right.
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[ yin yu is observant. he always has been - its part of what makes him so effective at his job. he only returns the point, to point out the holes in that logic, that asking yin yu to trust him is a very high bar to cross. again, he's not offended or angry. it's just a point to be made. ]
...I do want to believe you. [ yin yu says, after a moment, shifting, his tone still thoughtful, sincere. there's something unsaid there, though: but can you blame me, if i don't? ]
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You can watch her for yourself, then, and see if you believe I've lied. She did say she'd see me soon, but she believes they've gotten close to fixing things-- she isn't foolish enough to throw away a goal of hers like that to join me here.
[reading into what people don't say is part of what he does. he can guess at it, and he doesn't suppose believing him is something he really expects anyone to do, at this point.]
She'll see this all through. I wouldn't be marrying her if that weren't the kind of person she is.
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as for the last part... beau had told him much of the same, many weeks back. it was a secret he promised to hold onto for her, some knowledge to protect. yin yu had not forgotten about beau's dream; to hear it from both sides is in some ways, heartening. his expression softens just a little, and he responds, quietly. ] ...In a world such as our own, it is a blessing to have a marriage that is based on such foundations of trust and love.
[ yin yu is from a noble family, after all, even if it's hundreds of years behind him. he knows what marriage can mean- and what it can't. love is a privilege to those with no standing. ]
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[he actually smiles faintly, at that.]
If the cultivation world has had space for a know-nothing Sect Leader in it, then I've told her room can be made for someone like her as well. I believe the state of things will be shaken soon, anyway.
[is he going to take advantage of the Wangxian Real shock and political messes to slip in his own engagement? you bet your ass he is. at least he's not those two, you see?]
And I'm sure that a... suitable consort can be found, for her.
['what about huaisang' he's fine.]
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nie huaisang is truly clever. yin yu's assessment of him last week - that he would fit right in, in the heavens - is still not inaccurate. he doesn't know much about the world of cultivation in specific that huaisang is a member of, but the picture becomes clearer.
...but. the last comment does belay a little more of the situation, as to be expected. lady beau... of course. that would complicate things, huh. ] ...is it not better to spend the time with someone that you care for, over anything else?
[ consorts, heirs, what have you. ]
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[but it's amused, more than anything. he knows yin yu knows, after everything here; he's stopped acting as much in death, because he has no need for it.
and as for his question:]
I think it is. I don't believe I'll seek one myself.
...but neither would I deny her the opportunity to find a woman capable of suiting her tastes.
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...I see. [ in the end, the physical is the physical. there are gods that can swap their genders and forms at their will. he somehow doubts that nie huaisang will ever cultivate or do anything especially impressive enough to ascend, though. the sheer amount of time i just spent trying to find the ancient chinese idiom equivalent of "don't go chasin waterfalls.mp3" before i picked this one
anyway. yin yu glances back at nie huaisang again, regarding him in a slightly different light. ] You...are truly locked in love's clutches, Sect Leader.
[ a pause. ] Even so, to cross worlds and time to spend time with another for the rest of their life is no small thing. I don't imagine that will be easily put aside, especially not by someone like Lady Beau.
[ he's not entirely sure how this conversation got here?? but here it is. ]