[pcs] beau

[unanswering]

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[disreguarded]

Yeah. Yeah, see, that's the fucking thing. [ she says, angrily. ] She fucking lost her mind at you about it and then turned around and did something way more shitty and the worst part is she acts like she's all above it just because she's lived a billion years or whatever the fuck!

Talking to her was like talking to a brick wall. I've never lost interest in someone so fast in my fucking life.

[unanswering]

Well, after she's said all that in front of everyone, it might not be a problem for long. She did make herself a target with that.

[a pause, there, and a shake of his head.]

And if she's going to be obstructive after it all, then you may not like me saying this, but we might... be a little better off.

[disreguarded]

[ they should be working together, but beau's had enough. it crossed a line. ]

I don't want her to die. [ beau says, sinking down against him again. ] But you're right. Whatever shit is going on with her needs to be put aside. There's too little time to waste at trials.

[unanswering]

If it's not, then she's going to die anyway. She'll resist helping, refuse to give any excuses-- she'll be easy to frame, if she doesn't get voted just for making herself suspicious through refusal and inaction.

[he lets her rest on him, though, shifting to let her get comfortable again.]

[disreguarded]

Even that is a waste of time for us. [ beau says, frustrated. ] If we vote for her and she's not a monster, the monster gets to run free another week.

[unanswering]

...I know. I know, Beau. I wish-- that we had easier solutions.

[the arm around her tightens, slightly.]

[disreguarded]

[ she curls a little more, hugging him. ]

I do too. [ she sighs out, quiet. ] I - I feel like I can't keep everybody standing. I want to. [ she swallows hard. ] And - I haven't really... I've been trying to avoid Phoenix a little and I don't. Know what's up with that.

[unanswering]

I know you do, but- you can't keep them all standing on your own. You'll bend under that weight.

[and he doesn't want to see this be any worse on her, after this.]

...did anything happen, between you two?

[disreguarded]

[ another hard swallow. she's really trying to keep her shit together, now. ]

He saw the memory of my dad. The one you saw.

[unanswering]

--and the results aren't something you want to deal with, on top of everything?

[disreguarded]

I mean - we... kind of fought a little over it, but more than anything I just - I really fucking didn't want him to see it. So yeah. I guess.

[unanswering]

... you're still going to have to deal with him. Or you can keep avoiding him while we're all here, if you'd prefer, but that-- doesn't sound like something you'd really want.

[just kind of-- soothingly rubbing at her back, a little.]

[disreguarded]

I don't - I don't want that. [ sniff. ] I don't.

But I can't be a burden on him, either.

[unanswering]

Why do you think he sees you as one, then?

[disreguarded]

[ she's quiet for a minute. ]

I don't know. [ but nie huaisang has seen her memories - it might not be a huge leap to guess why she might think her father figure here would see her as a burden. ]

[unanswering]

[it's not hard, no-- but he's doing his best to try and talk her through it.]

I doubt he would. No one here should see you like that, not after knowing you.

[disreguarded]

[ she lets out a shivery sigh. ]

I don't want to be one more thing he has to look after. He didn't ask for me to - fucking attach to him like a baby duckling.

[unanswering]

You didn't ask for what I've had to lean on you for, either. But it's worked out all right.

[disreguarded]

[ that's true. she hugs him a little more tightly. ]

Yeah. It did. [ she sounds grateful. ] You didn't ask for me to come to your room at midnight and sob all over you, either.

[unanswering]

No, but I wouldn't turn you away. You're- worth more than that.

[-he has to pause a moment, after saying so, before he continues.]

And I'm sure you're more to him than just a burden, too.

[disreguarded]

[ ahh... it's very nice, and very nice to hear.

she sniffs. maybe she hides her face against his shirt and gets it damp a little. ]

... Thank you, A-Sang.

[unanswering]

You don't need to.

[thank him, he means. he doesn't even complain about her getting his shirt damp.]

Ah- I had something for you, actually.

[he'd grabbed it on the way out the door, when he saw it was her-- and this seems like a good time.]

[disreguarded]

[ she doesn't take it back, and almost argues - she thinks this is worth thanking - just a bit of kindness makes it easier for her to breathe. but he speaks again, and she shifts, just a little, so she can look up at him. ]

-- You do?

[unanswering]

I do. These aren't necessarily your style, I know, but...

[he reaches into the outer layer of his outfit, pulling out a closed fan and passing it over to her.

when opened, the fan itself is a deep cobalt blue, with the nie sect's beast-head crest painted onto it in gold.

along one edge, he's painted in careful lettering, also in gold: nie beau.]

[disreguarded]

[ oh, he's going to make her cry again. she takes the fan almost delicately, looking it over, opening it and tracing her fingers over the crest. she doesn't cry, but it looks like she's close to it when she spots the name.

she brings one hand up to cover her mouth for a second, stroking the lettering with her thumb, and then: ]

It's beautiful. [ she definitely sounds choked up. ]