[ she didn't want to say it. because - she knows, she knows she can't give him what he wants, because her love is like family, because she can't love him that way, it's just not how she's built. but she does trust him. she trusts him to know what she meant.
and she's not stupid. when he kisses her on the cheek and breathes out his reply, she holds him closer. closes her eyes. ]
I know. [ she murmurs, and she hopes he understands. ]
[he does. he suspected as much-- she's not stupid and he's well aware that she might have seen it. it's just... been better left alone, and he's appreciated that she doesn't feel the need to call him on it.
and maybe he should apologize, but- selfishly, he doesn't want to. he's not really sorry at all for it, only that it's happened when they're fundamentally incompatible. he just lets her hold him close, staying right where he is.]
It doesn't... have to change anything.
[things like this, like the affection she's given him-- she doesn't have to give them up. he doesn't want her to.]
[ she reaches up to tuck his hair behind his ear. in another reality, maybe - but she doesn't want to think about that. she can't change what either of them are.
quietly: ]
As long as it doesn't hurt you, babe. I don't want to hurt you. [ because she doesn't want to give it up either, but - she doesn't want to be a source of pain in a life she knows is already maxed out. ]
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and she's not stupid. when he kisses her on the cheek and breathes out his reply, she holds him closer. closes her eyes. ]
I know. [ she murmurs, and she hopes he understands. ]
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and maybe he should apologize, but- selfishly, he doesn't want to. he's not really sorry at all for it, only that it's happened when they're fundamentally incompatible. he just lets her hold him close, staying right where he is.]
It doesn't... have to change anything.
[things like this, like the affection she's given him-- she doesn't have to give them up. he doesn't want her to.]
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quietly: ]
As long as it doesn't hurt you, babe. I don't want to hurt you. [ because she doesn't want to give it up either, but - she doesn't want to be a source of pain in a life she knows is already maxed out. ]
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[because he won't lie and say it doesn't hurt whatsoever, that he never feels a pang when he's reminded-
but he'll accept that.]
I think- it would hurt more, for you to be more distant.
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Okay. Then I won't be. Distant. [ sniff. ] I'm sorry.
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[a quick shake of his head, there.]
You have nothing to be sorry for.
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... Okay. [ and then: ] I want more wine.
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[he reaches for the bottle he'd set aside--
but he takes a drink from it first, before passing it over.]