[pcs] beau

[unanswering]

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[disreguarded]

[ a beat. she seems to struggle for a second, and then: ]

... N-no. Fuck, not again.

[unanswering]

No, it's all right-

[everything is super not all right, but he toys idly with her hair like it is. he's trying.]

...what happened, between you two?

[disreguarded]

[ he is trying, and to be fair - when he starts playing with her hair it settles her down quite a bit. having this is better than crawling to the gym and punching things until she couldn't. ]

I was fucking mad. I still am. About the trial, and the problems she caused. I don't care what the fuck happened between her and Babo Kim or whatever the fuck his name is now. [ she says bitterly. ] Someone died. People are fucking dying, kids are dying. Subete, and then Dazai. And she had the gall to ask a bunch of traumatized kids to vote for her so she could take the easy way out, like a fucking hour before we had to vote. And then she fought us during the checks, wasted everybody's time, she fucking made Isaac upset --

I'm furious. It's the most selfish thing a person could do.

[unanswering]

She could at least say as much to Ayabe now, if that's what she truly wants.

[now he'll say it, even though-- no, it might not make ayabe feel better.

but if they can't stop him from trying, maybe he won't be as wrecked if it's someone who wanted it.]

For all that she was angry about us not being more open, for the sake of finding another culprit-- she certainly seemed to stop caring about that quickly enough.

[slightly bitter? slightly bitter.]

[disreguarded]

Yeah. Yeah, see, that's the fucking thing. [ she says, angrily. ] She fucking lost her mind at you about it and then turned around and did something way more shitty and the worst part is she acts like she's all above it just because she's lived a billion years or whatever the fuck!

Talking to her was like talking to a brick wall. I've never lost interest in someone so fast in my fucking life.

[unanswering]

Well, after she's said all that in front of everyone, it might not be a problem for long. She did make herself a target with that.

[a pause, there, and a shake of his head.]

And if she's going to be obstructive after it all, then you may not like me saying this, but we might... be a little better off.

[disreguarded]

[ they should be working together, but beau's had enough. it crossed a line. ]

I don't want her to die. [ beau says, sinking down against him again. ] But you're right. Whatever shit is going on with her needs to be put aside. There's too little time to waste at trials.

[unanswering]

If it's not, then she's going to die anyway. She'll resist helping, refuse to give any excuses-- she'll be easy to frame, if she doesn't get voted just for making herself suspicious through refusal and inaction.

[he lets her rest on him, though, shifting to let her get comfortable again.]

[disreguarded]

Even that is a waste of time for us. [ beau says, frustrated. ] If we vote for her and she's not a monster, the monster gets to run free another week.

[unanswering]

...I know. I know, Beau. I wish-- that we had easier solutions.

[the arm around her tightens, slightly.]

[disreguarded]

[ she curls a little more, hugging him. ]

I do too. [ she sighs out, quiet. ] I - I feel like I can't keep everybody standing. I want to. [ she swallows hard. ] And - I haven't really... I've been trying to avoid Phoenix a little and I don't. Know what's up with that.

[unanswering]

I know you do, but- you can't keep them all standing on your own. You'll bend under that weight.

[and he doesn't want to see this be any worse on her, after this.]

...did anything happen, between you two?

[disreguarded]

[ another hard swallow. she's really trying to keep her shit together, now. ]

He saw the memory of my dad. The one you saw.

[unanswering]

--and the results aren't something you want to deal with, on top of everything?

[disreguarded]

I mean - we... kind of fought a little over it, but more than anything I just - I really fucking didn't want him to see it. So yeah. I guess.

[unanswering]

... you're still going to have to deal with him. Or you can keep avoiding him while we're all here, if you'd prefer, but that-- doesn't sound like something you'd really want.

[just kind of-- soothingly rubbing at her back, a little.]

[disreguarded]

I don't - I don't want that. [ sniff. ] I don't.

But I can't be a burden on him, either.

[unanswering]

Why do you think he sees you as one, then?

[disreguarded]

[ she's quiet for a minute. ]

I don't know. [ but nie huaisang has seen her memories - it might not be a huge leap to guess why she might think her father figure here would see her as a burden. ]

[unanswering]

[it's not hard, no-- but he's doing his best to try and talk her through it.]

I doubt he would. No one here should see you like that, not after knowing you.

[disreguarded]

[ she lets out a shivery sigh. ]

I don't want to be one more thing he has to look after. He didn't ask for me to - fucking attach to him like a baby duckling.

[unanswering]

You didn't ask for what I've had to lean on you for, either. But it's worked out all right.

[disreguarded]

[ that's true. she hugs him a little more tightly. ]

Yeah. It did. [ she sounds grateful. ] You didn't ask for me to come to your room at midnight and sob all over you, either.

[unanswering]

No, but I wouldn't turn you away. You're- worth more than that.

[-he has to pause a moment, after saying so, before he continues.]

And I'm sure you're more to him than just a burden, too.

[disreguarded]

[ ahh... it's very nice, and very nice to hear.

she sniffs. maybe she hides her face against his shirt and gets it damp a little. ]

... Thank you, A-Sang.