[he knows it well enough, though it's been a while since he allowed himself this kind of response too. not since his brother died, maybe not even before then.
he knows, though, that this is the kind of thing that needs to be let out, so he just... holds her quietly, letting her cry it out with an arm wrapped securely around her and the other brushing her hair from her face.]
[ it takes a while. a good couple of minutes. but she does wear herself out eventually, and when she finally starts to wind down into exhausted sniffles and hiccups, she feels like she could just fall asleep right here. ]
Mmhm. [ she practically crawls into his lap, leaning against his shoulder. she's quiet for a long moment. ]
Everything is so fucked up, A-Sang. [ shuddery breath. ] I'm scared. Ayabe's going to do something stupid and I don't know if I can stop him. And Lio is - he's depending on me, and.
Something in him broke after the trial. [ she says, low. ] He loves his siblings more than anything. Having to kill something that looked like one of them, and then... now, with the hostages.
Galo said Ayabe could kill him, trying to call his bluff, and Ayabe just agreed to it and then Lio came to me and shouted at me for it and -- [ she's working herself up again. ]
What was he shouting at you for, you had nothing to do with that-
[-no, he's trying to help her with her issues right now. nie huaisang exhales a slow breath, making an effort to mute the indignance in his tone by the time he speaks again.]
...I can understand how Ayabe must feel. I- know how badly I wanted to do something, after I realized what happened to da-ge. If it were a different situation, if I were trying to keep him alive...
[a little shake of his head, there.]
I know how to live with it. I don't think I know how to stop it for certain, short of... stopping him.
I don't want to stop him. [ she's never felt so young in her life, and she hates it. ] I just want him to see reason, I spent - all fucking day trying to watch him, help him, and he just - shut me down, and then I had to give up eventually and I went to go watch my fucking disc with the person they - they.
[ that's what she's afraid of. she doesn't think she can cry anymore, but she almost wants to. ]
It won't, I - I thought. I thought I could do something to help, because he's helped me before, but. I couldn't. [ useless. ] He's not going to be able to kill anybody, and he's going to get killed in self defense and it won't make a difference, because they don't have - they're not going to let anybody go, and I don't even think they have anybody in the first fucking place.
[well, he could kill brilith and that's two problems solved--
he doesn't say it aloud, but he thinks it.]
It'll break him further then, won't it. But there's no way to prove they don't, just as there's no way to prove with full certainty that they do. If we were brought here, it makes some sort of sense, but...
[a heavier sigh.]
I was- afraid of this. Agni and I spoke, about how no one took their push toward killing last week. I thought it would be worse, I just didn't realize how much.
Yeah. [ she just sighs out the word, holding onto him. ] It's going to keep getting worse. I think you were right. This house wants us to kill each other and it's pushing really hard for it.
...then I'll do what I can, while I have the time to do it. I was safe last week, but I'm-- not unaware of others' opinions. If this pushes certain others to act...
[then he thinks he's high on multiple 'if i had to kill someone in this house' lists, and he doesn't like his odds.]
[ please don't talk about that when she's already weepy, nhs, god. she tightens her grip, and holds her breath for a good couple of seconds, trying to stop herself from losing her calm. ]
Don't. Don't talk like that. Please. [ she swallows hard. ] I don't think anybody but Brilith hates you enough. And I'd kill her before I let her hurt you.
[listen, sometimes you're doing your best but you're also literally always planning because you might die. he just nods when she admonishes him, though-
[ he is trying, and to be fair - when he starts playing with her hair it settles her down quite a bit. having this is better than crawling to the gym and punching things until she couldn't. ]
I was fucking mad. I still am. About the trial, and the problems she caused. I don't care what the fuck happened between her and Babo Kim or whatever the fuck his name is now. [ she says bitterly. ] Someone died. People are fucking dying, kids are dying. Subete, and then Dazai. And she had the gall to ask a bunch of traumatized kids to vote for her so she could take the easy way out, like a fucking hour before we had to vote. And then she fought us during the checks, wasted everybody's time, she fucking made Isaac upset --
I'm furious. It's the most selfish thing a person could do.
She could at least say as much to Ayabe now, if that's what she truly wants.
[now he'll say it, even though-- no, it might not make ayabe feel better.
but if they can't stop him from trying, maybe he won't be as wrecked if it's someone who wanted it.]
For all that she was angry about us not being more open, for the sake of finding another culprit-- she certainly seemed to stop caring about that quickly enough.
Yeah. Yeah, see, that's the fucking thing. [ she says, angrily. ] She fucking lost her mind at you about it and then turned around and did something way more shitty and the worst part is she acts like she's all above it just because she's lived a billion years or whatever the fuck!
Talking to her was like talking to a brick wall. I've never lost interest in someone so fast in my fucking life.
[ they should be working together, but beau's had enough. it crossed a line. ]
I don't want her to die. [ beau says, sinking down against him again. ] But you're right. Whatever shit is going on with her needs to be put aside. There's too little time to waste at trials.
If it's not, then she's going to die anyway. She'll resist helping, refuse to give any excuses-- she'll be easy to frame, if she doesn't get voted just for making herself suspicious through refusal and inaction.
[he lets her rest on him, though, shifting to let her get comfortable again.]
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he knows, though, that this is the kind of thing that needs to be let out, so he just... holds her quietly, letting her cry it out with an arm wrapped securely around her and the other brushing her hair from her face.]
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...do you want to explain?
[he won't force her to talk about it, but it seems like that might help, as well.]
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[and he'll guide them to a bench, settling in there, letting her make herself comfortable.]
Here- will this do?
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Everything is so fucked up, A-Sang. [ shuddery breath. ] I'm scared. Ayabe's going to do something stupid and I don't know if I can stop him. And Lio is - he's depending on me, and.
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[it's more or less an offer, in the way that he can make it-- that he'll try to help, even if it's just by letting her vent.]
What's wrong with young master Ayabe?
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Something in him broke after the trial. [ she says, low. ] He loves his siblings more than anything. Having to kill something that looked like one of them, and then... now, with the hostages.
Galo said Ayabe could kill him, trying to call his bluff, and Ayabe just agreed to it and then Lio came to me and shouted at me for it and -- [ she's working herself up again. ]
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[-no, he's trying to help her with her issues right now. nie huaisang exhales a slow breath, making an effort to mute the indignance in his tone by the time he speaks again.]
...I can understand how Ayabe must feel. I- know how badly I wanted to do something, after I realized what happened to da-ge. If it were a different situation, if I were trying to keep him alive...
[a little shake of his head, there.]
I know how to live with it. I don't think I know how to stop it for certain, short of... stopping him.
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I don't want to stop him. [ she's never felt so young in her life, and she hates it. ] I just want him to see reason, I spent - all fucking day trying to watch him, help him, and he just - shut me down, and then I had to give up eventually and I went to go watch my fucking disc with the person they - they.
[ hiccup. ]
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[but he just... shakes his head again, glancing down.]
But nothing would have changed my mind, if anyone tried.
I can try to speak to him. I just don't know if it'll do any good.
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It won't, I - I thought. I thought I could do something to help, because he's helped me before, but. I couldn't. [ useless. ] He's not going to be able to kill anybody, and he's going to get killed in self defense and it won't make a difference, because they don't have - they're not going to let anybody go, and I don't even think they have anybody in the first fucking place.
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he doesn't say it aloud, but he thinks it.]
It'll break him further then, won't it. But there's no way to prove they don't, just as there's no way to prove with full certainty that they do. If we were brought here, it makes some sort of sense, but...
[a heavier sigh.]
I was- afraid of this. Agni and I spoke, about how no one took their push toward killing last week. I thought it would be worse, I just didn't realize how much.
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Yeah. [ she just sighs out the word, holding onto him. ] It's going to keep getting worse. I think you were right. This house wants us to kill each other and it's pushing really hard for it.
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[then he thinks he's high on multiple 'if i had to kill someone in this house' lists, and he doesn't like his odds.]
-well, there's time yet.
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Don't. Don't talk like that. Please. [ she swallows hard. ] I don't think anybody but Brilith hates you enough. And I'd kill her before I let her hurt you.
[ oh. well. hm. ]
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hm. that sure is something, isn't it.]
Beau- are you sure about that?
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... N-no. Fuck, not again.
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[everything is super not all right, but he toys idly with her hair like it is. he's trying.]
...what happened, between you two?
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I was fucking mad. I still am. About the trial, and the problems she caused. I don't care what the fuck happened between her and Babo Kim or whatever the fuck his name is now. [ she says bitterly. ] Someone died. People are fucking dying, kids are dying. Subete, and then Dazai. And she had the gall to ask a bunch of traumatized kids to vote for her so she could take the easy way out, like a fucking hour before we had to vote. And then she fought us during the checks, wasted everybody's time, she fucking made Isaac upset --
I'm furious. It's the most selfish thing a person could do.
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[now he'll say it, even though-- no, it might not make ayabe feel better.
but if they can't stop him from trying, maybe he won't be as wrecked if it's someone who wanted it.]
For all that she was angry about us not being more open, for the sake of finding another culprit-- she certainly seemed to stop caring about that quickly enough.
[slightly bitter? slightly bitter.]
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Talking to her was like talking to a brick wall. I've never lost interest in someone so fast in my fucking life.
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[a pause, there, and a shake of his head.]
And if she's going to be obstructive after it all, then you may not like me saying this, but we might... be a little better off.
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I don't want her to die. [ beau says, sinking down against him again. ] But you're right. Whatever shit is going on with her needs to be put aside. There's too little time to waste at trials.
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[he lets her rest on him, though, shifting to let her get comfortable again.]
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