[ she also needs more. are they gonna go through two bottles. probably. ]
Yeah. He said he understood why I did it, but I need to trust people more. Which is bullshit, because if we just trusted everybody, we'd never catch anybody.
[ that makes her feel a little less bad, though. ]
Yeah. I guess it was Phoenix doing it. [ at least she can say his name without crying, now. ] The notes. But I don't think he would've wanted me to take them at face value either. He would've wanted me to ask questions.
[he finishes, and sets the comb aside, shifting to sit next to her-- he lets his hand run through her hair one more time, as he steals the bottle for another drink.]
...we were wrong, but I don't think we were wrong to question it more than others.
[ she shivers when he does that, involuntarily - but doesn't really call attention to it otherwise. she pulls the beanie back onto her head, and closes her eyes, willing the charred smell away. she needs to wash it.
[ she leans back against him. if he thought she was cuddly when she's sober, drunk is a whole other thing. she's on her way to it, practically in his lap. ]
Us against the world. [ she mumbles, shifting. ] We still need to make those memorials.
There are others I think will help with figuring it all out, but... later. We can save that for later.
[he wants to not deal with all this for a while... and he doesn't complain about the closeness, letting her do whatever she wants, just adjusting to accommodate her.]
I'm- most of the way through the paintings. I have the dead taken care of, I'm just... making sure I have one for everyone, ahead of time.
[ she's distracted, taking a drink, and then he says he's working on making sure everybody is taken care of and the implication that goes with that, and she just finishes off the first bottle. ]
[ she sighs, holding the new one in her hands tightly. ]
He's fuckin' hard to talk to. And I'm not great at apologizing, so I guess we'll fucking see. He was trying to help, I get it, it's just. The way he was trying to help didn't fucking help.
[hard to talk to. a little brash. he wants to help but rubs people the wrong way. nie huaisang sighs, waiting for to stop holding the bottle so tight so he can drink more, this is good wine okay.]
I get it. I'm not fucking stellar at this shit either, so we probably just made it worse on each other. I just. I wasn't in the mood. I only just barely feel like I've stopped - like - like the wound is wrapped, you know? Only just barely.
[once she shifts, he plucks the bottle from her hands to take another pull from it. he knows from experience-- it doesn't stop hurting, but it eventually stops being so raw. stops feeling like it'll open back up all over again.
it just takes time.
he sets the bottle aside, there, so he can wrap both arms around her. he's probably had enough for now, definitely already tipsy himself.]
[ for a while, she'll just be here, letting the alcohol sink in. she thinks she's finally okay enough to not... cry, every time she thinks about this. that's a good step.
it takes time. time they don't really have.
drunkenly, beau brings both her arms up and wraps them around nie huaisang's shoulders, hugging him properly, with a sniff. ]
Hey. I love you, you know that, right? [ she might've hesitated to say it while sober, but... all she can think of is the fact she didn't get to say it before phoenix died. and she has to do better. ]
[...for once, he can't say 'i know', because- he didn't. he knew they were close. they understand each other. but he didn't anticipate this, from her, from anyone. not after the way everything has been.
especially not considering that-- he thinks she at least suspects how he feels. but he understands beau well enough to know she wouldn't mislead him, that she trusts this to come across in the way she means it.
his grip on her tightens for a moment, holding her closer as he exhales a shaking breath. nie huaisang anticipates a lot of things, but this-- he didn't anticipate the way hearing it would feel. how it warms him but carries its own sort of small, dull sting at knowing they don't mean this in the same way.
he shifts just enough to nudge her face from his shoulder, drunk enough by now to turn his head and press a short kiss to her cheek. his voice is barely more than a whisper.]
[ she didn't want to say it. because - she knows, she knows she can't give him what he wants, because her love is like family, because she can't love him that way, it's just not how she's built. but she does trust him. she trusts him to know what she meant.
and she's not stupid. when he kisses her on the cheek and breathes out his reply, she holds him closer. closes her eyes. ]
I know. [ she murmurs, and she hopes he understands. ]
[he does. he suspected as much-- she's not stupid and he's well aware that she might have seen it. it's just... been better left alone, and he's appreciated that she doesn't feel the need to call him on it.
and maybe he should apologize, but- selfishly, he doesn't want to. he's not really sorry at all for it, only that it's happened when they're fundamentally incompatible. he just lets her hold him close, staying right where he is.]
It doesn't... have to change anything.
[things like this, like the affection she's given him-- she doesn't have to give them up. he doesn't want her to.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[he frowns at that, taking the bottle from her for another long drink before handing it back.]
What happened?
no subject
[ a beat. ] They're friends, and he was pissed because I almost got her scapegoated.
no subject
[he needs more wine, god. excuse him.]
We have to examine anything that's out of place, surely he knows that by now-- her innocence would have been proven, if it came to it.
no subject
Yeah. He said he understood why I did it, but I need to trust people more. Which is bullshit, because if we just trusted everybody, we'd never catch anybody.
I trusted him. When he was the monster.
no subject
[a shake of his head, there. they will definitely go through two bottles-- but he's nearly done combing.]
We didn't know the circumstances behind the first mistake, or who sent those notes. It was a reasonable suspicion.
no subject
Yeah. I guess it was Phoenix doing it. [ at least she can say his name without crying, now. ] The notes. But I don't think he would've wanted me to take them at face value either. He would've wanted me to ask questions.
no subject
[he finishes, and sets the comb aside, shifting to sit next to her-- he lets his hand run through her hair one more time, as he steals the bottle for another drink.]
...we were wrong, but I don't think we were wrong to question it more than others.
no subject
her breath shudders, too. ]
No. I don't think we were either.
no subject
[he exhales a sigh, there, leans against her just a bit.]
We're both still here.
no subject
Us against the world. [ she mumbles, shifting. ] We still need to make those memorials.
I'm gonna ask Jin Ling if he wants to help.
no subject
[he wants to not deal with all this for a while... and he doesn't complain about the closeness, letting her do whatever she wants, just adjusting to accommodate her.]
I'm- most of the way through the paintings. I have the dead taken care of, I'm just... making sure I have one for everyone, ahead of time.
[in case he's gone, and can't continue.]
no subject
[ she's distracted, taking a drink, and then he says he's working on making sure everybody is taken care of and the implication that goes with that, and she just finishes off the first bottle. ]
no subject
...but?
[let's just go back to what she was gonna say, instead of thinking about it.]
no subject
I worry about him. I was mean to him yesterday and I shouldn't have been.
no subject
[he takes a drink from the new bottle, then just. gently removes the first one from her hands, replacing it with the new one.]
If you apologize to him later, though, I think- he'll be willing enough to talk.
[but specifically apologize as opposed to just talk to him]
no subject
He's fuckin' hard to talk to. And I'm not great at apologizing, so I guess we'll fucking see. He was trying to help, I get it, it's just. The way he was trying to help didn't fucking help.
Anyway.
no subject
[hard to talk to. a little brash. he wants to help but rubs people the wrong way. nie huaisang sighs, waiting for to stop holding the bottle so tight so he can drink more, this is good wine okay.]
It's how he was raised.
no subject
I get it. I'm not fucking stellar at this shit either, so we probably just made it worse on each other. I just. I wasn't in the mood. I only just barely feel like I've stopped - like - like the wound is wrapped, you know? Only just barely.
no subject
[he wraps an arm around her, there.]
Let's just-- try to let it be, for now. It won't heal otherwise.
no subject
I don't - I don't think it ever will completely, babe. But. But okay.
no subject
[once she shifts, he plucks the bottle from her hands to take another pull from it. he knows from experience-- it doesn't stop hurting, but it eventually stops being so raw. stops feeling like it'll open back up all over again.
it just takes time.
he sets the bottle aside, there, so he can wrap both arms around her. he's probably had enough for now, definitely already tipsy himself.]
no subject
it takes time. time they don't really have.
drunkenly, beau brings both her arms up and wraps them around nie huaisang's shoulders, hugging him properly, with a sniff. ]
Hey. I love you, you know that, right? [ she might've hesitated to say it while sober, but... all she can think of is the fact she didn't get to say it before phoenix died. and she has to do better. ]
no subject
especially not considering that-- he thinks she at least suspects how he feels. but he understands beau well enough to know she wouldn't mislead him, that she trusts this to come across in the way she means it.
his grip on her tightens for a moment, holding her closer as he exhales a shaking breath. nie huaisang anticipates a lot of things, but this-- he didn't anticipate the way hearing it would feel. how it warms him but carries its own sort of small, dull sting at knowing they don't mean this in the same way.
he shifts just enough to nudge her face from his shoulder, drunk enough by now to turn his head and press a short kiss to her cheek. his voice is barely more than a whisper.]
...I think I love you too.
no subject
and she's not stupid. when he kisses her on the cheek and breathes out his reply, she holds him closer. closes her eyes. ]
I know. [ she murmurs, and she hopes he understands. ]
no subject
and maybe he should apologize, but- selfishly, he doesn't want to. he's not really sorry at all for it, only that it's happened when they're fundamentally incompatible. he just lets her hold him close, staying right where he is.]
It doesn't... have to change anything.
[things like this, like the affection she's given him-- she doesn't have to give them up. he doesn't want her to.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)